a day

Today was a good day.   It started with me leaving home with no kids in the car.  I went and saw my spiritual director (yes, flash I know) and we talked about one of my favourite topics of the moment, the feminine attributes of God.   What I like to think of as "the she-ness of God."  There's another whole post in that... Then from there I went to my favourite library, the Kinder Library at St John's Seminary. I am reading through the diaries of Eliza White, a missionary in the Hokianga in the 1830's.   Research for that book.   That dream.  I sat in silence, in a beautiful space, with views of green and trees ahead of me.  A perfect day.  A day lived mostly in my head.  Do you know how peaceful it is in here?

Ten years ago I couldn't have imagined this kind of day.  I never could have dreamed that it would be possible, or that it would make me so happy.  Fifteen years ago you could have told me about today and I would have scorned it and told you it belonged to somebody else.  But I'm finally beginning to understand myself.  It will be a life's work, as it is for all of us.  By the time I'm eighty I'll know a thing or two.  For now I'm nearly half-way there and I feel like the journey's only just begun.   I know enough to have wanted today, and to have made it happen, and that's a revelation.  Today I was myself.