I don't really know what I want to say here

but I need to say something.  Things have been going on and I just haven't known where to start to get it all out into a post.  It began with a phone call last Thursday.  My Grannie (nearly 98 years old) was in hospital after a fall which resulted in a brain bleed, and she wasn't expected to last long.  So I went to the hospital straight away and sat with her, with my mum and my aunt, and later my dad.   She was looking pretty vegetable-like.  I was so glad that the last time I had seen her I'd said a proper good-bye.  

Last week I also found out that my friend's Auntie had had a stroke.  By chance this Auntie was also on the same floor as Grannie.  I sat with her that Thursday night as well.   Auntie Coll had been in and out of consciousness, and when she was conscious was showing signs of improvement, so her family were hopeful.   I visited them both the next day.   Grannie had improved, and Auntie Coll was more alert than the day before.   She was so interested in Abigail, and kept reaching out to touch her.  

Then Grannie stabilised and was shipped out to a rest home hospital.   Where she now lies resplendent in her best nightie sipping tea out of a straw, asking me whether I came in "the back door or the front door."   Next to a woman who has her own bedroom furniture, covered with old photographs.  I could hear from adjoining rooms both lucid, animated conversation, and strange groans and babbling noises.

Then Auntie Coll deteriorated.  She had another stroke, and slipped back into a coma.   The woman who looked so well and full of life (71 is young when you know a 71 year old) and was obviously trying so hard to come back to her loved ones, was gone again.  Then on Thursday afternoon, after the most impressive thunderstorm, she passed away.

So what could I have written here?  That I have been thinking all week about death?   That everyday my thoughts have been with two women living on the edge of existence?  Who wants to read posts like that, really, when the sun is shining and the cicadas are out.... 

But one day it will be me, and if I'm lucky I'll be 71... or maybe even 98.  I'll probably be the one making strange babbling noises down the hall.  You'll come visit, won't you? ;)