breaking up with sugar

It's time to go down a bit further. The big girls and I have been lenting sweet treats during the week, Isobella's idea. She keeps asking people what they are giving up for Lent, and half of them have no idea what she is talking about. I haven't been doing much more than that as far as food goes, although I was trying to keep off the sweet things through the weekend as well, more or less. Then last night I knew I had to do more.

Isobella had her eighth birthday party yesterday with some school and church friends. It's not her birthday till the end of the month, so we'll celebrate again on her actual birthday. We decided to grab the good weather while it was still around, and we put out a big waterslide on the hill sloping down to the lawn. The kids went mad launching themselves down and running around with waterguns. Isobella didn't go down the slide once, she was too scared, but she was happy, she got to do art inside. I bought some watercolour pencils and good paper, and while most of the kids were outside, a few of them stayed in at the table and painted.


It took three days to get ready for this party. One day to clean and tidy the house, and two days of cooking and baking and then tidying the house all over again, with all the ordinary interruptions of life in between. It wasn't the tidying or the cleaning that got me, it was the baking. The two layers of vanilla sponge for the birthday cake, the butter icing using a whole block of butter. Gluten free chocolate brownie made on the Friday night, and then gluten free pear cake made on Saturday. Lent went straight out the window. How could I bake without tasting?

I've been eating gluten and dairy free for over ten years now. Let's just say I have a high maintenance digestive system and leave it at that. I don't miss the things I shouldn't eat, well, not much, but when there's something I can eat, I really don't give myself any boundaries. If it's gluten free it must be good for me, right?
By Sunday night I had consumed way too many sweet things. I knew because something else wasn't right, and it wasn't my digestive system. Let's just call it women's troubles, and again, we'll leave it at that. My body was not happy. I heard a firm whisper in my heart. "Give up sugar for lent."

I couldn't ignore it. I knew it was the smartest, bravest thing I could do. I've battled my love affair with sugar many times, but I've never really been able to get much control. Sugar is my friend. Especially if it comes in the form of chocolate or baking. I'm sure it has something to do with the fact that there wasn't a lot of money for treats when I was growing up, but I think it's mostly just that like pretty much everyone, I'm wired to respond to sugar. Sugar makes me happy.

So this morning I made peace with porridge, rice milk, and sliced banana. No brown sugar, not even a sprinkle. And you know what? It didn't kill me. After every meal today I've wandered back and forth across the kitchen from the fridge to the pantry, looking aimlessly for something sweet. But there was no sweet thing for me today. And I lived to tell the tale. I gave the rest of that gluten free pear cake to Mum today, and she took it out with her for dinner. I couldn't trust myself with it in the house.

I'm not excited about having porridge without sugar again tomorrow, but I am excited about being healthy. When it comes to food, self control and I have never really been friends. Maybe I'm in the process of leaving one bad relationship for a better one.